Betrayal

 

He stormed down the stone staircase to the damp dungeons below.
‘It is my likeness carved in stone on the city walls, I am King of this Land’’
‘’It was I who led them to victory against the Crozler clan, and they defy me…’’
He threw open the large wooden door to the torture chamber and stepped inside, the walls were lined with instruments of torture, some still stained with the blood of their many victims, he chose the largest axe and hoisted it down of its hook, turning around he walked purposely towards the end of the room to where she lay, tied to the wooden wheel..
‘’You, my wife, how could you betray me ? We were meant to rule this world together..’’
Those were his final words, he never saw the sword swung at his neck by his own son.
‘’Its ok Mother, WE will rule together’’

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Betrayal

  1. Oooh, nicely done McNiff. I could see it happening – hear the dungeon door slam against the stone walls. I’m kinda glad he got it in the neck. There’s potential for a much longer story here. There are so many why’s, how comes, and who’s to be answered 😀
    Don’t forget to leave a link back to the Flash Fiction page where the prompt is found for e.g. Written for the Friday Fictioneers. http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2014/07/02/4-july-2014/ That way anyone who reads your story can check out the page and write their own and add it to the little blue froggy linky thing on Rochelle’s page.

  2. Dear Niff,

    i see you were able to link. Very good. As is your story. I’d only say there are some punctuation issues.

    Suggestion: He threw open the large wooden door to the torture chamber and stepped inside. The walls were lined with instruments of torture, some still stained with the blood of their many victims. He chose the largest axe and hoisted it down off its hook. Turning around he walked purposely towards the end of the room to where she lay, tied to the wooden wheel.

    I hope you don’t mind my suggestions. They’re meant to be helpful rather than disparaging.

    On that note, I’m remiss in not extending a hearty welcome to Friday Fictioneers. I look forward to reading more from you.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  3. Niff, Good story with great action. It looks like his son was expecting something like that and planned ahead. That should be a more peaceful kingdom. I think victory had gone to the old king’s head and he saw enemies everywhere. Well done. 🙂 —Susan

  4. Welcome to FF! I love your story – and the King had a torture chamber he was going to use on his wife? I say: “Off with his head!” Oh, you did do that – good for you! Nan 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s